Attitudes / Happenings

I’m Sorry

Kristina here again doing the typing. Mom has been practicing but is having trouble because of her cataracts, we think. Whatever the reason, we have found this to be a good solution to the problem, at least for now.

Patty here. It is a family joke with us that I am in the habit of apologizing, perhaps a little too frequently. In fact, when we were making our arrangements with the mortuary a while back, we joked that the engraving on my urn should be, “I’m sorry.”

This habit is so strong that we had to come up with a sign for it a long time ago. I close my right eye. Looking at the world through my cataract is like squinting up your eyes and looking around. Everything looks blurry.

Alan here doing the typing now.

So, this need to say “I’m sorry” has become more and more needed as my needs have themselves become more frequent. I have aches and pains, possibly due to limited mobility. We do range-of-motion exercises to help with this. I get headaches and other problems that we think could be related to dehydration, so we try to remember to up my water intake. My appetite has continued to diminish. I am taking about one and a half cans of formula a day.

My neck muscles have been the most recent target ALS has gone after. On the rare occasions when we go out we use a soft but supportive neck brace. This makes it much more comfortable for me.

After my last couple of posts I have received so many loving messages of support. It’s like … well, now what? We have all said what we need to say. And here we are. It’s May and I’m still here. How many times must I say goodbye?

ALS is so unpredictable. There is no way anyone could know how long this would take. I am so ready for this to be over. I am sorry if that sounds morbid.

I’m sorry. This is what I do. I apologize. Who would have thought that I would still be here for Mother’s Day? A year ago, we were not sure I would still be around for a November wedding. When they postponed it to January we were not too worried because I had been on a plateau for so long. That all changed around Thanksgiving with the arrival of anxiety and panic attacks. The wedding was scaled back and moved up to December because they really wanted me there.

So five months after the wedding … and here I am. No longer at a plateau but still moving so slowly.3b27fd33-31a9-4060-bdd4-aa7ba1dc156d

Psalm 27:14 says,
“Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.”

Kristina here again. It takes a team to do this thing now!

I will try to let up on the apologies and step up the gratitude. As I have said so many times, there is so much to be thankful for. My wonderful family tops the list. Mother’s Day was lovely. Mom was fetched from her “home,” both local brother and sister were here, and both of our daughters. Which was a surprise, because D #1 usually works a double shift on Sundays but they were able to leave early. We were just missing one son-in-law who had to work. I am a blessed mom.

Me and my girls and one son-in-law.

Me and my girls and one son-in-law.

The sibs and Mom.

The sibs and Mom.

I’m sorry. This is what I do. Apologize and give thanks. Working on doing less of the former and more of the latter.

Love, Patty

9 thoughts on “I’m Sorry

  1. Dearest Patty, so grateful for your last note. It has to be a gift from you and yours to write. I do appreciate them and you all for your touches of grace. Do you remember I swim laps for exercise? It’s my best time to pray and you are with me then. I have a fear of choking, something you may fear, as well. I imagine it as yours and pray for God ‘s presence and unfailing peace upon you to hover over you during those times.
    Before my annerysm surgery, He gave the verse in Psalms that says, “my times are in Your hands.” During my fears that word meant everything to me. So I pray that for you, too.
    Forgive my ‘talk’ ( my way of I’m sorry!), but know I’m sending you love.


  2. We are all so grateful that you are still. You are an inspiration to us all. You have handled this horrible illness with such grace and dignity.

    Beautiful family pictures!


  3. I am sure your family is glad you are still here. It is always so difficult to lose a loved one. Secretly, I also prayed for God to take my brother home so he could be free of the boundaries of ALS. I think about you often and pray for you and your family. You are an inspiration just as my brother was. May God continue to bless you and your family. Know that even though I don’t know you, I shed tears for you and your family.


  4. I love you, Patty…I continue to pray that God will very soon set you free from your earthly body. I’m so thankful that you continue to speak into our lives while you’re here. My heart is full.


  5. Patty, I’m so sorry too for what you are going through. I was just thinking about you and wondering how you were doing. You are a strong lady, a true inspiration. My prayers are with you. I was told one day by a gentleman when I said I can no longer do anything, now I have to depend on everyone, that I had already done plenty and that the Lord was just selecting his angels.


  6. Thank you so much for your words, Patty! (And, thanks to the rest of your family, too:-) I admire you and learn so much from each of your posts. God bless you!


  7. Dear Patty. I have been praying for you and Alan and the girls daily, and have wondered
    how things are going for you. It is great to have this update. The Lord has given His
    care, I know, and we pray for your help until He takes you “home”. We are grateful that
    He has made it possible for you to keep in touch. Love and prayers.


  8. Pingback: What would you do if…? | From guestwriters

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